Repentance and Forgiveness

Repentance and Forgiveness

“Successful marriages and families are establish and maintained on principles of…repentance (and) forgiveness.”

“ Repentance and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin and are frequently addressed together. For example, apologies facilitate forgiveness, and forgiveness motivates repentance.” (Holeman, 2008)

Repentance and forgiveness are often thought to have religious application, however, changing and forgiving are part of learning and are essential to progress in relationships.

“The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change…Repenting means giving up all of our practices-personal, family, ethnic, and national-that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change. (Oaks, D.H. 2003, November. Repentance and Change.)

“Apologies are essential for reconciliation. (Lazare, 2004)” However in a case of severe transgression, it takes more than an apology to restore love and trustworthiness. It takes genuine repentance.” (Walton and Hendricks, 2012, p.204 Successful Marriages and Families)

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The repentance process is explained in the manual Gospel Principles. The steps of repentance are:

1.     Recognize the sin. We admit to ourselves that we have done something wrong.

2.     Feel sorrow for the sin. Feeling sorrowful, we are humble and submissive before God, and we come to Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

3.     Forsake the sin. We stop committing the sin and pledge to never do it again.

4.     Confess. We should confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins that might affect our standing in the Church to the proper ecclesiastical authority.

5.     Make restitution. Insofar as possible, we make right any wrong that we have done.

How to Forgive

This is a process that needs to be learned. The Lord will help us to forgive as we seek His help. Here is a five step process by Wortington found in the Five Steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving.

Worthington, E. (2001). Five Steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving. New York: Crown Publishers

1.     Recall the hurt. It is human nature to try to protect ourselves from pain. In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury.

2.     Empathize. Empathy involves borrowing the lens of another person so we see something from their point of view.

3.     Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness. Forgiving with altruism (unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others) is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of his or her own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when he or she was freely forgiven.

4.     Commit publicly to forgive. The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he or she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person.

5.     Hold on to forgiveness. After completing the forgiveness process, victims may still be haunted on occasion by the pain of the offense. During this stage it is important to move forward.

“Repentance and forgiveness are divine expectations that are particularly relevant to family life. The question is not if forgiveness should take place, but how? True healing comes only through experiencing the pain of loss and completing the tasks associated with repentance and forgiveness. In the end, sincere repentance and genuine forgiveness are gifts from God made possible through the Atonement of Christ.” (Walton and Hendricks, 2012, p.210 Successful Marriages and Families)

We are all a work in progress. Each family member should remember that no one is perfect. Communication is key to sharing how we feel in a kind manner to open up issues that need to be discussed. The Savior’s Atonement makes it possible for each of us to change, be forgive and heal. It is an ongoing process and the Lord is patient and loving in the journey. May we each commit to seek forgiveness and repent of our own wrongdoings to strengthen our family relationships.

Prayer - Strengthening the Family

Strengthening the Family

“Successful marriages…are established and maintained on principles of…prayer.”

On January 8, 2005, my husband and I were sealed in the Edmonton, Alberta Temple. Before the sealing ceremony the Sealer gave us some counsel and quoted the hymn Love at Home

1. There is beauty all around

When there's love at home;

There is joy in ev'ry sound

When there's love at home.

Peace and plenty here abide,

Smiling sweet on ev'ry side.

Time doth softly, sweetly glide

When there's love at home.

Love at home, love at home;

Time doth softly, sweetly glide

When there's love at home.

2. In the cottage there is joy

When there's love at home;

Hate and envy ne'er annoy

When there's love at home.

Roses bloom beneath our feet;

All the earth's a garden sweet,

Making life a bliss complete

When there's love at home.

Love at home, love at home;

Making life a bliss complete

When there's love at home.

3. Kindly heaven smiles above

When there's love at home;

All the world is filled with love

When there's love at home.

Sweeter sings the brooklet by;

Brighter beams the azure sky.

Oh, there's One who smiles on high

When there's love at home.

Love at home, love at home;

Oh, there's One who smiles on high

When there's love at home.

Text and music: John Hugh McNaughton, 1829-1891

To me the message is to have love in our home and when we do there is greater harmony and the spirit is felt. Seems easy, but it takes work to cultivate a spirit of love.

Prayer is a tool that will help a couple and a family unify.

President Monson spoke about the counsel he received from his sealer at the marriage altar on his wedding day:

“May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can’t pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another. (Monson, Thomas. S. 2001, p.4 Hallmarks of a Happy Home.)

“Drawing on the powers of heaven through prayer is a powerful resource available to couples that can make a good relationship better and can heal a faltering marriage. Prayer is included as a key principle for building a successful marriage and family in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” (Lambert, 2012, p.196 Successful Marriages and Families)

“When people perceive something as sacred, it changes the way they treat it.” (Lambert, 2012, p.196 Successful Marriages and Families)

Marriage is sacred. Family is sacred. “A key aspect of coming to view a relationship as sacred is to first include God as an active member of the relationship.” (Lambert, 2012, p.197 Successful Marriages and Families)

Ecclesiastes 4:12

“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” 

Elder Russell M. Nelson (2006,p.38) says, "Good communication is also enhanced by prayer. To pray with specific mention of a spouse's good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage."

“Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship.” (Lambert, 2012, p.197 Successful Marriages and Families)

Conflict is a part of life and isn’t a stranger in marriages and family life. Contention strains relationships and unresolved contention leads to broken relationships and divorce. “Prayer, however, can help protect couples from divorce by healing the relationship and restoring harmony to the marriage.” (Lambert, 2012, p.197 Successful Marriages and Families)

Elder Dallin H. Oaks says, “ If you are already descending in to the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.” (2007, p.72 Divorce.)

“…prayer can restore harmony and promote a greater desire to work together. Prayer can aid us in both strengthening and mending our eternally important relationships.” (Lambert, 2012, p.199 Successful Marriages and Families)

Faith in Family Life

Faith in Family Life

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith (and) prayer.”

I like the words “established and maintained” in the above quote. If you would like to have a successful marriage and family, and currently don’t feel you have are in this position, you can “establish” such a marriage and family by living principles of faith and prayer. Also, you may have a successful marriage and family, however, according to the Lord the way to maintain success is on principles of faith and prayer.

“In Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith defined faith not only as belief but as “principle of action in all intelligent beings” (1835/1985,p. 6) He further emphasized in the fourth article of faith that the first principle of the gospel is “faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.” In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “faith (as a principle of action and power) leads the list of nine foundational principles upon which  “successful marriages and families are established and maintained.” (Hawkins, 2012, p.185 Successful Marriages and Families)

Here are a couple of perspectives where faith is strength to marriage and family:

“There’s an old (African) adage, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Our congregation is the (village) that we have chosen to focus our energies on… When we work with people, it helps us to keep our own struggles in a better perspective and they don’t become a burden, just a part of life…(Also). I personally believe that people are at their happiest when they’re serving others…Service in the Church…is based on doing things for other people, (going) outside yourself. – William, Latter-day Saint father of six (Marks, 2002) (Hawkins, 2012, p.186 Successful Marriages and Families)

“We have disagreements (in our marriage), we have things we don’t see the same sometimes, and faith is a source of help. We can pray about things together and the Lord can help us work things out. Sometimes one person has to give in and accept the other person’s point of view (and) it helps to be able to pray about things. The Lord, He’s the best counselor you could ever have. (Dollahite & Marks, 2009, p.381)

It may be hard to prove faith is a tool to strength families and marriages. It is one of those things you have to try for yourself. I had the opportunity to use my faith to have assistance while I was a single mom and I felt guided everyday by the Lord. I was striving to follow Him and using the Atonement to change and be better. As I chose to believe, I felt a peace in my heart that extended to all branches of my life. Even now my faith keeps me focused on the eternities and what matters most.

Life is hard…and we need help to be happy in life. Having faith in Christ and in His plan will bring strength, peace and happiness to your life. Faith in Christ will nurture your marriage and your relationship with your children.

Joseph, a non-denominational Christian father said this about faith,

“There’s something that…when as a family your hearts are pointed together toward the same thing, and it’s God, then parenting and economics and space and food and disagreements and hassles and joys and celebrations and all that other stuff…it works different, it seems different, it feels different…Our family is all oriented in the same way. Christ is King, He’s the center, He’s what it’s all about….Our faith informs our relationships and everything about us.” (Marks, 2003, p10)

Sharing and Defending Family Proclamation Principles

Sharing and Defending Family Proclamation Principles

Samuel the Lamanite

This may seem to be a good topic to end on, however, as we learn we must prepare to learn with a desire to share our knowledge with others. As we learn more about the Family and God’s way of strengthening the family, our responsibility to share our new knowledge with other family members, friends and the community increase. We are not just responsible for our family. This is our world, and we all need to take interest in others salvation and happiness.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught;

“…the time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of gathering evil around us.” (Kimball, 1980,p.4)

Our families are our most important responsibility entrusted by the Lord. We should lead, guide and teach, as the Lord would have us do in order to receive the blessings necessary for happiness in marriages and families.

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” should motivate us not only to apply true principles to protect our own families, but it should also move us to share these principles with others. (Hawkins, 2012, p.354 Successful Marriages and Families)

 “The statement by the prophet Joseph Smith applies here – that when we gain a witness of the truth, we will not be “content with blessing (our) family alone, but (range) through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.” (Smith, 1976,p.227)

Many people are looking for meaning in life, answers to soul-searching questions and comfort to know that life continues beyond the grave. Families can be together forever.

“The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally. (Packer, B.K. 2008, Feb. 9 Worldwide Leadership Training)

There are times we need to defend our beliefs and the Family.  Elder Holland says,

“Be strong. Live the gospel faithfully even if others around you don’t live it at all. Defend your beliefs with courtesy and with compassion, but defend them.” (Holland. Jeffrey R. April. 2014.The Cost and Blessings of Discipleship)
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/the-cost-and-blessings-of-discipleship?lang=eng

I remember a time when we invited an acquaintance over for dinner and a discussion about our faith with the missionaries. During the discussion, our guest pointed out that he did not believe Jesus was the Promised Messiah and carried on for a bit. I have to say that the spirit impressed me strongly to bear testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ. In a bit of a shaky, soft, kind voice, I shared with him that Jesus is the Christ the Promised Messiah and I shared how the spirit witnessed to me that this is true. The spirit changed in the room from contentious to peace. I don’t think I changed his mind, but I knew I defended my faith and I did so in a way that I felt my Savior would have.

Whether we are defending or sharing truth we should do so with love and kindness. The truths we share have great significance and as we do, we can educated and invite others to learn more about how to strengthen the Family.

Be courageous in defending and sharing the truths from The Family Proclamation, and if you need encouragement, watch this mormon message on courage.

https://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#courage