This semester I had the privilege of reading and studying, "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage", by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD and "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work', by John M. Gottman, PhD. I learned many principles that touched my heart and gave me hope in myself, and a desire to be a better spouse for my husband. A couple of principles impressed me that I do not want to forget.
- What is the most important thing you learned from Gottman's book?
The most important thing I learned from Gottman’s book
is that, “Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a
rewarding and long-lasting romance…By simple reminding yourself of your
spouse’s positive qualities-even as you grapple with each other’s flaws-you can
prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating. The simple reason is that fondness
and admiration are the antidotes for contempt.” (The Seven Principles For
Making Marriage Work, page 63,65)
Gottman acknowledges a problem in marriage; which is
contempt, and offers the solution; fondness and admiration. Looking for the
positive qualities in your spouse during both peaceful, and challenging times
build a healthy marriage. Adopting this practice is an easy way to build upon
your marriage relationship strengthening bonds of love and friendship.
- What is the most important thing you learned from Goddard's book?
What I learned from Gottman accents what I learned
from Goddard’s book. The most impressive principle I learned was:
The keys to surviving and enjoying marriage are found
in the Gospel of Jesus Christ…We will only succeed at marriage as we use
eternal gospel principles to become more of what God has invited us to
become…Those truly succeeding at marriage are those who are applying the Gospel
of Jesus Christ in their lives.” (Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, page 8)
The best thing I can do for my husband is to live the
gospel and keep my covenants. Striving each day to live as the Saviour has
invited me to, applying repentance, faith and a contrite heart will allow me to
live by the spirit. I offer my husband the best me when I am a disciple of
Christ. Through Christ, an eternal marriage is built.
Choice & Charity Strengthening Marriage
“But charity is the pure love of
Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last
day, it shall be well with him.” Moroni 7:47
As we choose to be kind, and turn
away wrath in our heart we are choosing to be more charitable. “The natural man
is likely to find that resentment and vindictiveness come more easily than
charity. More than we realize, those negative reactions are a choice- a choice
to see in a human, judgmental way. But we can also choose to see in a heavenly
and loving way. That choice makes all the difference. Charity can be the lens
through which we see each other.” (Drawing
Heaven Into Your Marriage, page 108)
We choose how we act and react.
Acting or reacting with love is choosing charity, choosing to follow the Savior faithfully.
I can improve how I react or act by
taking time to respond rather than choosing to respond defensively. I’m not
sure if I have thoughtfully considered my choices. I have overlooked the power
of agency when an opportunity to react confronts me. This is an opportunity for
me to prayerfully consider how I can improve to allow the “pure love of Christ”
into my day-to-day life.
Living a charitable life takes
practice. Each day we can practice charity by loving and serving our spouse.
“Practicing charity is something we
as women of God do every day. In small gestures of service, in pondering and in
seeking knowledge, and in our sincere and often private expressions of faith,
we live in celestial ways. Practicing charity means that we are trying to live
like the Savior as we seek to act in caring ways. Even though we are not
perfect, our service mirrors eternity, and our efforts manifest a deep devotion.”
Choose
charity by administering to your spouse as the Savior, Jesus Christ would.
Choose to practice reacting and acting with charity. Persistently choose
charity over the natural man’s reaction to judge, bark back, criticize, or
complain about your companion.
Our
Heavenly Father wants us to be happy in our marriage. He has given us the
tools, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, to succeed. Applying these teachings, and
diligently working on our relationship will invite charity in our hearts to
overcome the difficulties we each must face.
“Rather than being judgmental and
critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow
travelers in this journey through life.”
–
President Thomas S. Monson
No comments:
Post a Comment