Marriage is to adopt this goal of
becoming one. It is not something we are working towards for this life, but for
eternity. Elder Eyring says, “The requirement that we be one is not for this
life alone. It is to be without end.” (That We May Become One. April, 1998)
As husband and wife live together each
day the perspective should be to create unity. With this always top of mind,
our choices of tone in speaking to each other or how we judge another may
change. Working to become one would need to be an effort for husband, wife and
the entire family. The opposite of unity is pride and selfishness. Although our
goal is to love our family in word and deed to create unity, life can deliver
circumstances that bring out the less desirable parts of us.
Elder Eyring offers this counsel,
“All of us have felt
something of both union and separation. Sometimes in families and perhaps in
other settings we have glimpsed life when one person put the interests of
another above his or her own, in love and with sacrifice. And all of us know
something of the sadness and loneliness of being separate and alone. We don’t
need to be told which we should choose. We know. But we need hope that we can
experience unity in this life and qualify to have it forever in the world to
come. And we need to know how that great blessing will come so that we can know
what we must do.”
Each of us will let someone down we
love, but we must not overlook the main goal to create a unified union.
“ The
Savior of the world spoke of that unity and how we will have our natures
changed to make it possible.” (Elder Eyring, That We May Become One. April,
1998)
I have seen this change happen in my
own life. When my mother was terminal it was her desire that her children be
together for Christmas. We had not all been together for many years, and
honestly it was not something I looked forward to. I petitioned the Lord to
assist me, and help me to desire to love those I was having a difficult time
with. It turned out to be a lovely dinner. My sister, brother and I all worked
together to provide a wonderful meal, and working together brought a unified
spirit that was felt by us all. The Lord can change our natures if we will
allow Him to. He will help us forgive, heal old wounds, and extend love. This
process takes time, but whether we have small differences in our marriage or
more complex ones the Savior, Jesus Christ has the power to assist us.
Peace in our marriage, and families is
worth working for. Mending an offended spirit takes humility, and desire. When
we put off the natural man, we allow the spirit to influence us.
“Where people have that Spirit with
them, we may expect harmony…The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3
Ne. 11:29). It never generates
the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to strife (see Joseph F.
Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 13th ed. [1963],
131). It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies
souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at peace depend on
unified souls.” (Elder Eyring, That We May Become One. April, 1998)
Each day is a gift from our Father in
Heaven. We can choose to have unity in all of our relationships. The Lord has
given us His example to follow.
“If we are to have unity, there are
commandments we must keep concerning how we feel. We must forgive and bear no
malice toward those who offend us. The Savior set the example from the cross:
“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke
23:34). (Elder Eyring, That We May Become One.
April, 1998)
It is important to remember we do not
know the details of one’s heart. We only see our perspective, which of course
we think is right. May each of us strive to have a softened heart, and assume
our spouse is doing there best. Charity is the answer.
“We do not know the hearts of those who
offend us. Nor do we know all the sources of our own anger and hurt. The
Apostle Paul was telling us how to love in a world of imperfect people,
including ourselves, when he said, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind;
charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not
behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh
no evil” (1
Cor. 13:4–5).” (Elder Eyring,
That We May Become One. April, 1998)
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