The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of …work.”

I heard today that they have created a pill that will replace exercise. That pretty much sums up how the world views work. It seems much of the population banks on winning the lottery so they don’t have to work for the rest of their lives. Our free time is spent surfing the Internet or some form of entertainment that only requires watching and not doing.

Gordon B. Hinckley listed families working together as one of the four things that could “in a generation or two” turn society’s “moral values” around. (1996, September) Four simple things to help our families and our nations Ensign 26, 2-8

Attitudes towards work have change through out the years. My mom was required to work on the farm and assist in taking care of her siblings. All the kids had to work and I would say much of the reason the siblings are still connected is because they built relationships while working together.

“The daily work of feeding, clothing and sheltering others has the power to transform us spiritually as we transform others physically. Said Elder Russell M. Nelson: “the home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate concern and love one for another.” (1999, May) Our Sacred duty to honor women. Ensign 29, 38-40.

“ Family work is a lifelong opportunity, essential to the process of becoming like our heavenly parents. It was not meant to be consistently easy, convenient, or well-managed. Even parents who appreciate the value of family work get discouraged on the days it seems fraught with tedium and turmoil. Children quarrel, refuse to help, or must be cajoled and persuaded. Parents tire of cleaning the same messes, listening to the same arguments, and folding the same towels day after day after day. No wonder families see a system that will remove these problems once and for all. (Kathleen Slaugh Bahr, Kristine Manwaring, Cheri Loveless, and Erika Bailey Bahr, 2012, p.219 Successful Marriages and Families)

Working together as a family is a key to building relationships, having fun, learning to work, and teaching responsibility to name a few blessings.

King Benjamin admonishes parents to teach their children to love one another and serve one another. (Mosiah 4:15)

“Indeed, the commandment to “love one another” does not carry the caveat, “if you feel like it.” Even though many families today associate housework more often with conflict than with love and service, that is no excuse to yield to societal pressures.” (Kathleen Slaugh Bahr, Kristine Manwaring, Cheri Loveless, and Erika Bailey Bahr, 2012, p.219 Successful Marriages and Families)

Working in the temple for me is being a part of a beautiful work. “President Henry B. Eyring has promised that if we seek opportunities to work in behalf of others, “ the Atonement working in our lives will prudence in us the love and tenderness we need.” (Kathleen Slaugh Bahr, Kristine Manwaring, Cheri Loveless, and Erika Bailey Bahr, 2012, p.220 Successful Marriages and Families)

Repentance and Forgiveness

Repentance and Forgiveness

“Successful marriages and families are establish and maintained on principles of…repentance (and) forgiveness.”

“ Repentance and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin and are frequently addressed together. For example, apologies facilitate forgiveness, and forgiveness motivates repentance.” (Holeman, 2008)

Repentance and forgiveness are often thought to have religious application, however, changing and forgiving are part of learning and are essential to progress in relationships.

“The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change…Repenting means giving up all of our practices-personal, family, ethnic, and national-that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change. (Oaks, D.H. 2003, November. Repentance and Change.)

“Apologies are essential for reconciliation. (Lazare, 2004)” However in a case of severe transgression, it takes more than an apology to restore love and trustworthiness. It takes genuine repentance.” (Walton and Hendricks, 2012, p.204 Successful Marriages and Families)

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The repentance process is explained in the manual Gospel Principles. The steps of repentance are:

1.     Recognize the sin. We admit to ourselves that we have done something wrong.

2.     Feel sorrow for the sin. Feeling sorrowful, we are humble and submissive before God, and we come to Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

3.     Forsake the sin. We stop committing the sin and pledge to never do it again.

4.     Confess. We should confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins that might affect our standing in the Church to the proper ecclesiastical authority.

5.     Make restitution. Insofar as possible, we make right any wrong that we have done.

How to Forgive

This is a process that needs to be learned. The Lord will help us to forgive as we seek His help. Here is a five step process by Wortington found in the Five Steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving.

Worthington, E. (2001). Five Steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving. New York: Crown Publishers

1.     Recall the hurt. It is human nature to try to protect ourselves from pain. In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury.

2.     Empathize. Empathy involves borrowing the lens of another person so we see something from their point of view.

3.     Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness. Forgiving with altruism (unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others) is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of his or her own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when he or she was freely forgiven.

4.     Commit publicly to forgive. The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he or she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person.

5.     Hold on to forgiveness. After completing the forgiveness process, victims may still be haunted on occasion by the pain of the offense. During this stage it is important to move forward.

“Repentance and forgiveness are divine expectations that are particularly relevant to family life. The question is not if forgiveness should take place, but how? True healing comes only through experiencing the pain of loss and completing the tasks associated with repentance and forgiveness. In the end, sincere repentance and genuine forgiveness are gifts from God made possible through the Atonement of Christ.” (Walton and Hendricks, 2012, p.210 Successful Marriages and Families)

We are all a work in progress. Each family member should remember that no one is perfect. Communication is key to sharing how we feel in a kind manner to open up issues that need to be discussed. The Savior’s Atonement makes it possible for each of us to change, be forgive and heal. It is an ongoing process and the Lord is patient and loving in the journey. May we each commit to seek forgiveness and repent of our own wrongdoings to strengthen our family relationships.

Prayer - Strengthening the Family

Strengthening the Family

“Successful marriages…are established and maintained on principles of…prayer.”

On January 8, 2005, my husband and I were sealed in the Edmonton, Alberta Temple. Before the sealing ceremony the Sealer gave us some counsel and quoted the hymn Love at Home

1. There is beauty all around

When there's love at home;

There is joy in ev'ry sound

When there's love at home.

Peace and plenty here abide,

Smiling sweet on ev'ry side.

Time doth softly, sweetly glide

When there's love at home.

Love at home, love at home;

Time doth softly, sweetly glide

When there's love at home.

2. In the cottage there is joy

When there's love at home;

Hate and envy ne'er annoy

When there's love at home.

Roses bloom beneath our feet;

All the earth's a garden sweet,

Making life a bliss complete

When there's love at home.

Love at home, love at home;

Making life a bliss complete

When there's love at home.

3. Kindly heaven smiles above

When there's love at home;

All the world is filled with love

When there's love at home.

Sweeter sings the brooklet by;

Brighter beams the azure sky.

Oh, there's One who smiles on high

When there's love at home.

Love at home, love at home;

Oh, there's One who smiles on high

When there's love at home.

Text and music: John Hugh McNaughton, 1829-1891

To me the message is to have love in our home and when we do there is greater harmony and the spirit is felt. Seems easy, but it takes work to cultivate a spirit of love.

Prayer is a tool that will help a couple and a family unify.

President Monson spoke about the counsel he received from his sealer at the marriage altar on his wedding day:

“May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can’t pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another. (Monson, Thomas. S. 2001, p.4 Hallmarks of a Happy Home.)

“Drawing on the powers of heaven through prayer is a powerful resource available to couples that can make a good relationship better and can heal a faltering marriage. Prayer is included as a key principle for building a successful marriage and family in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” (Lambert, 2012, p.196 Successful Marriages and Families)

“When people perceive something as sacred, it changes the way they treat it.” (Lambert, 2012, p.196 Successful Marriages and Families)

Marriage is sacred. Family is sacred. “A key aspect of coming to view a relationship as sacred is to first include God as an active member of the relationship.” (Lambert, 2012, p.197 Successful Marriages and Families)

Ecclesiastes 4:12

“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” 

Elder Russell M. Nelson (2006,p.38) says, "Good communication is also enhanced by prayer. To pray with specific mention of a spouse's good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage."

“Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship.” (Lambert, 2012, p.197 Successful Marriages and Families)

Conflict is a part of life and isn’t a stranger in marriages and family life. Contention strains relationships and unresolved contention leads to broken relationships and divorce. “Prayer, however, can help protect couples from divorce by healing the relationship and restoring harmony to the marriage.” (Lambert, 2012, p.197 Successful Marriages and Families)

Elder Dallin H. Oaks says, “ If you are already descending in to the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.” (2007, p.72 Divorce.)

“…prayer can restore harmony and promote a greater desire to work together. Prayer can aid us in both strengthening and mending our eternally important relationships.” (Lambert, 2012, p.199 Successful Marriages and Families)

Faith in Family Life

Faith in Family Life

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith (and) prayer.”

I like the words “established and maintained” in the above quote. If you would like to have a successful marriage and family, and currently don’t feel you have are in this position, you can “establish” such a marriage and family by living principles of faith and prayer. Also, you may have a successful marriage and family, however, according to the Lord the way to maintain success is on principles of faith and prayer.

“In Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith defined faith not only as belief but as “principle of action in all intelligent beings” (1835/1985,p. 6) He further emphasized in the fourth article of faith that the first principle of the gospel is “faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.” In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “faith (as a principle of action and power) leads the list of nine foundational principles upon which  “successful marriages and families are established and maintained.” (Hawkins, 2012, p.185 Successful Marriages and Families)

Here are a couple of perspectives where faith is strength to marriage and family:

“There’s an old (African) adage, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Our congregation is the (village) that we have chosen to focus our energies on… When we work with people, it helps us to keep our own struggles in a better perspective and they don’t become a burden, just a part of life…(Also). I personally believe that people are at their happiest when they’re serving others…Service in the Church…is based on doing things for other people, (going) outside yourself. – William, Latter-day Saint father of six (Marks, 2002) (Hawkins, 2012, p.186 Successful Marriages and Families)

“We have disagreements (in our marriage), we have things we don’t see the same sometimes, and faith is a source of help. We can pray about things together and the Lord can help us work things out. Sometimes one person has to give in and accept the other person’s point of view (and) it helps to be able to pray about things. The Lord, He’s the best counselor you could ever have. (Dollahite & Marks, 2009, p.381)

It may be hard to prove faith is a tool to strength families and marriages. It is one of those things you have to try for yourself. I had the opportunity to use my faith to have assistance while I was a single mom and I felt guided everyday by the Lord. I was striving to follow Him and using the Atonement to change and be better. As I chose to believe, I felt a peace in my heart that extended to all branches of my life. Even now my faith keeps me focused on the eternities and what matters most.

Life is hard…and we need help to be happy in life. Having faith in Christ and in His plan will bring strength, peace and happiness to your life. Faith in Christ will nurture your marriage and your relationship with your children.

Joseph, a non-denominational Christian father said this about faith,

“There’s something that…when as a family your hearts are pointed together toward the same thing, and it’s God, then parenting and economics and space and food and disagreements and hassles and joys and celebrations and all that other stuff…it works different, it seems different, it feels different…Our family is all oriented in the same way. Christ is King, He’s the center, He’s what it’s all about….Our faith informs our relationships and everything about us.” (Marks, 2003, p10)