Repentance and Forgiveness

Repentance and Forgiveness

“Successful marriages and families are establish and maintained on principles of…repentance (and) forgiveness.”

“ Repentance and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin and are frequently addressed together. For example, apologies facilitate forgiveness, and forgiveness motivates repentance.” (Holeman, 2008)

Repentance and forgiveness are often thought to have religious application, however, changing and forgiving are part of learning and are essential to progress in relationships.

“The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change…Repenting means giving up all of our practices-personal, family, ethnic, and national-that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change. (Oaks, D.H. 2003, November. Repentance and Change.)

“Apologies are essential for reconciliation. (Lazare, 2004)” However in a case of severe transgression, it takes more than an apology to restore love and trustworthiness. It takes genuine repentance.” (Walton and Hendricks, 2012, p.204 Successful Marriages and Families)

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The repentance process is explained in the manual Gospel Principles. The steps of repentance are:

1.     Recognize the sin. We admit to ourselves that we have done something wrong.

2.     Feel sorrow for the sin. Feeling sorrowful, we are humble and submissive before God, and we come to Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

3.     Forsake the sin. We stop committing the sin and pledge to never do it again.

4.     Confess. We should confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins that might affect our standing in the Church to the proper ecclesiastical authority.

5.     Make restitution. Insofar as possible, we make right any wrong that we have done.

How to Forgive

This is a process that needs to be learned. The Lord will help us to forgive as we seek His help. Here is a five step process by Wortington found in the Five Steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving.

Worthington, E. (2001). Five Steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving. New York: Crown Publishers

1.     Recall the hurt. It is human nature to try to protect ourselves from pain. In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury.

2.     Empathize. Empathy involves borrowing the lens of another person so we see something from their point of view.

3.     Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness. Forgiving with altruism (unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others) is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of his or her own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when he or she was freely forgiven.

4.     Commit publicly to forgive. The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he or she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person.

5.     Hold on to forgiveness. After completing the forgiveness process, victims may still be haunted on occasion by the pain of the offense. During this stage it is important to move forward.

“Repentance and forgiveness are divine expectations that are particularly relevant to family life. The question is not if forgiveness should take place, but how? True healing comes only through experiencing the pain of loss and completing the tasks associated with repentance and forgiveness. In the end, sincere repentance and genuine forgiveness are gifts from God made possible through the Atonement of Christ.” (Walton and Hendricks, 2012, p.210 Successful Marriages and Families)

We are all a work in progress. Each family member should remember that no one is perfect. Communication is key to sharing how we feel in a kind manner to open up issues that need to be discussed. The Savior’s Atonement makes it possible for each of us to change, be forgive and heal. It is an ongoing process and the Lord is patient and loving in the journey. May we each commit to seek forgiveness and repent of our own wrongdoings to strengthen our family relationships.