Using the Atonement of Christ in Your Marriage

"Because they received the Atonement of Christ, Adam and Eve were able to learn from their experience without being condemned by it."

- Bruce C. Hafen, Covenant Hearts

“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”(John 3:17) If therefore, God allows us to learn from our experience without condemning us for it, how much more should we be willing to let our companions learn from their experience without condemning them for it.” Bruce C. Hafen, Covenant Hearts, p. 65-74

By accepting and receiving the enabling power of the Atonement, we are able to learn from our experiences, mistakes and weaknesses. Our experience on earth is an opportunity for us all to become like our Heavenly Father without condemnation. The dictionary defines condemn:

1.  Express complete disapproval of, typically in public; censure.
2. Sentence (someone) to a particular punishment, especially death.

Learning this truth reminds me I am not perfect and neither is my husband. Therefore, in marriage, we need to allow for learning and growth without condemning our companion. We should follow the example of our first parents, Adam and Eve, and embracing the gift of the Atonement. Repentance and humility are necessary to access the enabling strength, and healing that come from using the Atonement in our lives.

Reflecting on the truths of Bruce C. Hafen, Covenant Hearts, I thought how much I need forgiveness, and patience from my companion, however, how quick am I to forgive or be patient? I feel a need to view my marriage and family as a safe, loving, learning environment where we can work together to become our best selves. I feel a greater appreciation for the Atonement, and understand how my Savior knows my personal struggles because he felt my pain. I can trust the Lord to guide me in strengthening my marriage. It is necessary for husband and wife to apply the same mercy, kindness and forgiveness in their marriage as the Savior offers each of us. I feel a stronger desire to work with my husband in creating a partnership rather than compete with each other or be focused on who is right.

This principle is closely linked to Gottman’s Principle Four, “Let Your Partner Influence You”. Last year I interviewed a couple I knew well. They’ve been married over fifty years. I asked some questions regarding marriage, and I remember one comment vividly. Sister “W” said she enjoyed learning from her husband. Frequently, they had different opinions, but she valued this difference. She says male and female offer different, and insightful perspectives we can learn from. After this comment, I made it a goal to listen to my husband’s opinion even when it contrasts with my own. This is another way we can let our partners influence us.

President Thomas S. Monson said: “To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty—the fulfillment of which brings true joy.”
“Celestial Marriage” 2008, Elder Russell M. Nelson

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/celestial-marriage?lang=eng