Saturday, 21 March 2015

Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage

Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage

“Husband and Wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.”  - The Family- A Proclamation to the World

“While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than a human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person.” – President Spencer E. Kimball (202, October). Oneness in marriage Ensign, 32, 40-45

What I feel is important in this quote is President Kimball says “every couple, every person” can have happiness 
in marriage. We all come from different backgrounds and have different personalities, and yet if both husband and wife put effort into their marriage growth is certain. You may ask yourself, will I be happy in marriage if I come from a family with divorce? The answer is it depends on you and your spouse. What we can control is ourselves.

“ The Family: A Proclamation to the World” declares that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.” And that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other” Firthermore, it emphasizes that “marriage…is essential to His eternal plan” These statements make clear that marriage is a purposeful, divinely created relationship, not merely a social custom, and that couples have God-given covenant obligations to one another.” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.27 Successful Marriages and Families)

The Lord has given us guidance on how we can be happy in our marriages.

“Successful covenant marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and tied to our discipleship. Elder David A. Bednar (2006, pg 86) beautifully described how being focused on Jesus in a covenant marriage relationship influences marital progress:

“The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moroni 10:32) because of and through the Redeemer, the man and woman come closer together.” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p30. Successful Marriages and Families)


Here are some ideas that show a covenant commitment:

Intentional personal dedication – “To nurture their covenant commitments to one another and God, couples will wisely make a decision to be intentionally and personally dedicated.” Sacrifice, listening patience, realistic expectations, spending time together and resolving personal problems.

Exclusive Cleaving and Unity – The Lord declared, “Thou shalt love they wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22

Practice spiritual patterns – “When couples are involved in unifying spiritual activities, such as prayer and active religious involvement, they bring a number of benefits in to their marriage.

“When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste-mentally and physically-so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding for the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.” – President Kimball (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.30 Successful Marriages and Families)

Get in sync with your partner’s love preferences – “Find our how your partner likes to receive love and then do those things often.” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.31 Successful Marriages and Families)

Talk as Friends – “When conversing with friends, we make sure to show genuine interest (look at your spouse, give full attention), take turns talking, avoid giving unsolicited advice, communicate our understanding on occasion, take our spouse’s side, avoid interrupting or rebutting, express affection, and validate emotions.” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.31 Successful Marriages and Families)

Respond to bids for connection – “A bid can be a question, a look, a gesture, a touch – any single expression that says, “I want to feel connected to you.”

Set goals for couple interaction – Couples who work together to accomplish goals finds unity in purpose and support each other in the process.

Something I would like to work on is accepting influence from my husband. The textbook offers these suggestions: (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.33 Successful Marriages and Families)

·      Accept influence by turning to our spouse for advice
·      Be open to his or her ideas
·      Listen to and consider his or her opinions
·      Learn from our spouse
·      Showing respect during disagreements
·      Recognize points we both agree on
·      Compromise
·      Show trust in our spouse
·      Be sensitive to his or her feelings


“If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.35 Successful Marriages and Families)

No comments:

Post a Comment