Foundational Processes for an Enduring,
Healthy Marriage
“Husband
and Wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” - The Family- A Proclamation to the World
“While
marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet
real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy
than a human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every
person.” – President Spencer E. Kimball (202, October). Oneness in marriage
Ensign, 32, 40-45
What
I feel is important in this quote is President Kimball says “every couple,
every person” can have happiness
in marriage. We all come from different
backgrounds and have different personalities, and yet if both husband and wife
put effort into their marriage growth is certain. You may ask yourself, will I
be happy in marriage if I come from a family with divorce? The answer is it
depends on you and your spouse. What we can control is ourselves.
“ The
Family: A Proclamation to the World” declares that “marriage between a man and
a woman is ordained of God.” And that “husband and wife have a solemn
responsibility to love and care for each other” Firthermore, it emphasizes that
“marriage…is essential to His eternal plan” These statements make clear that
marriage is a purposeful, divinely created relationship, not merely a social
custom, and that couples have God-given covenant obligations to one another.” (Stephen
F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.27 Successful Marriages and
Families)
The
Lord has given us guidance on how we can be happy in our marriages.
“Successful
covenant marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and
tied to our discipleship. Elder David A. Bednar (2006, pg 86) beautifully
described how being focused on Jesus in a covenant marriage relationship
influences marital progress:
“The
Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.
Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a
woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now
consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they
individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in
Him” (Moroni 10:32) because of and through the Redeemer, the man and woman come
closer together.” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p30.
Successful Marriages and Families)
Here are some ideas that show a covenant
commitment:
Intentional personal dedication – “To nurture their covenant
commitments to one another and God, couples will wisely make a decision to be
intentionally and personally dedicated.” Sacrifice, listening patience,
realistic expectations, spending time together and resolving personal problems.
Exclusive Cleaving and Unity – The Lord declared, “Thou
shalt love they wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none
else.” (D&C 42:22
Practice spiritual patterns – “When couples are involved
in unifying spiritual activities, such as prayer and active religious
involvement, they bring a number of benefits in to their marriage.
“When
a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer
together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious
meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste-mentally and physically-so that their
whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their
companion, and both work together for the upbuilding for the kingdom of God,
then happiness is at its pinnacle.” – President Kimball (Stephen F. Duncan and
Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.30 Successful Marriages and Families)
Get in sync with your partner’s love
preferences –
“Find our how your partner likes to receive love and then do those things
often.” (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.31 Successful
Marriages and Families)
Talk as Friends – “When conversing with
friends, we make sure to show genuine interest (look at your spouse, give full
attention), take turns talking, avoid giving unsolicited advice, communicate
our understanding on occasion, take our spouse’s side, avoid interrupting or
rebutting, express affection, and validate emotions.” (Stephen F. Duncan and
Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.31 Successful Marriages and Families)
Respond to bids for connection – “A bid can be a question, a
look, a gesture, a touch – any single expression that says, “I want to feel
connected to you.”
Set goals for couple interaction – Couples who work together
to accomplish goals finds unity in purpose and support each other in the
process.
Something
I would like to work on is accepting influence from my husband. The textbook
offers these suggestions: (Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012,
p.33 Successful Marriages and Families)
·
Accept
influence by turning to our spouse for advice
·
Be
open to his or her ideas
·
Listen
to and consider his or her opinions
·
Learn
from our spouse
·
Showing
respect during disagreements
·
Recognize
points we both agree on
·
Compromise
·
Show
trust in our spouse
·
Be
sensitive to his or her feelings
“If you want something to last forever,
you treat it differently”
(Stephen
F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha, 2012, p.35 Successful Marriages and
Families)
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